Archive for November 13th, 2013

November 13, 2013

29 years old.

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Only 365 days left in my twenties … how strange.
I guess I knew this day would sneak up on me, once I started drinking coffee (;
Thinking about my twenties brings a whirlwind of emotions,
a scale doesn’t exist to measure the highs and lows my heart has experienced.
Looking back, I can spot so vividly how God was trying to mold me,
but Ms. Independent was so determined to find her own way.
I still have many questions, much to learn, and demons to let go.
It’s a process, I’m starting from scratch, however strangely, I’ve also seasoned.

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I use to believe needing to see God through others kindness, victories and struggles was a Christian shortcoming.
As God works through my prideful heart, I’m realizing those moments are where faith can grow.
Being vulnerable and imperfect keeps me humble, and needing my Savior, which makes me strong.
Overwhelming myself until I shut down has been my way of life for a long time,
and such a tough habit I’m still working to break.
Asking for help makes me feel like such a failure, when it should only make me feel human.

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I’ve overcome some insecurities, developed some news ones, and am still battling some vintage ones …
Recently, I read the hardest devotional lesson to date, my heart is forever change about entitlement.
I’m the first to justify my actions, spending and even thought process because I deserve/need something.
I deserve this, I haven’t bought anything new, for me, in a long time.
I need a 3 o’clock coffee, I’ve worked hard all day.
Brett & I really need a nice vacation to relax.
The negative energy I use to camouflage wants for needs makes me feel like such a spoiled little brat.
Those things are BLESSINGS not essential, how dare I abuse God’s grace like that.
“The wages of sin is death”, but thanks to His endless mercy He doesn’t give me what I deserve,
instead he reminds me daily of His love, even when I forget it.
Some goals, before greeting my 30’s is separating my wants from needs,
and recognizing my prideful moments as my greatest downfall.
It’s a daily struggle living in a world revolving around consumerism, selfishness, and sin …
but when you rise up it’s so freeing!

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Eager for my chapter of growth, to slow down and listen for His guidance,
to put my anxiety to rest, and let my loved ones know how much I cherish them. <3.

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 “The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!”
6He replied, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree,
‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you.
7“Suppose one of you had a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Would he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, ‘Come along now and sit down to eat’? 8Would he not rather say, ‘Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink’? 9Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do?
10So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say,
‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.'”
Luke 17:5-10

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For reading the ramblings of my heart, the sweet comments & e-mails – I thank you!

xo/angela

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