Whole-HEART-ed Faith

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Thankfulness fills my heart, I never reached panic as an emotion.
There was no heart attack, events weren’t exactly planned, but everything felt controlled.
I can’t emphasize the strength not feeling panic gifted me – thank you Lord <3.
Emotions of worry, surprise, gratitude and humbleness floated inside my entire body.
Human nature worry, the kind you can only control with help from your Father above.
Surprised by reaching the point of maybe we’re over reacting …
to praise the Lord you listened to your body dad.
Gratitude for the people & findings, that would stretch over 100 pages if I wrote them all out.
Forever grateful it was fixable,
and I was able to hold his hand, kiss his forehead.
Humbleness to witness the power of prayer and how badly I’ve taken my health for granted.
My mind and heart have been racing, impossible to write it all down …
I believe some feelings are meant to stay inside of you, become you.
I’m sure they’ll emerge someday, even if not in words – I’m still processing.

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After updates had been sent to family & friends, and I had remembered we needed to eat …
there were moments of pure reflection.
Have I been a very good daughter?
Is justifying a donut because it tastes good a sin?
Do the people I love and adore know?
What am I changing from this experience going forward?
Then tears would come, then a smile – it was such a jungle of mixed memories, views,
and the realization that worrying over plans that might never come to life, seems like such a waste.
I allow anxiety and worry to run certain aspects of my life,
that’s lack of faith, and I’m so ashamed.
My dad going through this exposed me to myself.
Below are a few shortcomings at the top of the list:
1. Eating junk, because it tastes good isn’t worth my health.
Honestly, I think it’s sinful to abuse the body God gave me filling it with garbage.
2. I cannot live my life worrying about tomorrow,
I’ve wasted part of today on something I’m not even promised.
3. I have to be just as open to receive help from others,
as to give help to others.

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Just as all that was settling in, I was reminded even more.
We went to church that Sunday, and what did the Pastor preach about Exodus 16: Manna and Quail!
Talk about feeling convicted about your faith,
then the Lord using His messengers to show you exactly in the Bible where you needed to read.
To sum up Exodus 16-20 the best I can …
The Israelites had set out from Elim to the Desert of Sin. While in the desert the entire community grumbled against Moses & Aaron, saying they were starving to death. So the Lord told Moses He would rain down bread from heaven for them to eat, but they must have faith and only gather enough for one day, no more. Moses specifically tells the Israelites to not keep any bread until morning, that God would provide for them daily.  However, some of them ignored him and tried to stock up, but when they woke up it was full of maggots and smelled bad.

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It’s embarrassing to admit the stress I create within over having enough for the future.
And I’m not even in a desert starving ):
It’s okay to be responsible and ready,
but to let it break away at my faith is so wrong.
To not tithe or help others in need, because I must have enough for me isn’t trusting in God.
Just when I think I’m on track and improving, I’m reminded of where else I can grow.
I know I’ll fall down again,
I also know He’ll pick me back up,even when I forget.
Thank you Jesus for my dad,
thank you for his healthy heart,
thank you for the message in his heart journey,
and thank you for never giving up on me.
Amen

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5 Comments to “Whole-HEART-ed Faith”

  1. I love, love, love this post! One of my favorite thoughts is when I imagine behaving in a way that makes God smile. I think you make Him smile and that’s a wonderful thing.

  2. Love this post. So thankful your Dad is going to be ok. I thought of you several times during all of this. May God continue to heal and strengthen your a Dad. You are precious. Hugs.

  3. Beautiful, beautiful post! Angie, so proud of you, so proud.

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